this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
