If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
