have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
