Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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