What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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