He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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