Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
