3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
