so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
