i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
