The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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