I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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