Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
