you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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