I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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