ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
