you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
