im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
