he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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