im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
