What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
