I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
