Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
