If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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