Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
