Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
