Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
