Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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