i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
