I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
