I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
