she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
