Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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