Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
