Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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