Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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