i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
