VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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