He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
