I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
