I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
