Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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