1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
