i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They took my balls.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
