its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
