WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
