Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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