Walk of Shame. In a state park.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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