Who wears a wallet chain?!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
