you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
