Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
