I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
