hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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