I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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