dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
