We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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