just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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