so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
