I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
