I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
