Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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