my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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