So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
