i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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