Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize