I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
