I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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