i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
