The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
