the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
