I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
