I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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