I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
