my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
