I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
